


Vorkosigan Agency LLP, Kingmaker to the Stars

by Zoya1416



Category: Vorkosigan Saga - Lois McMaster Bujold
Genre: Acting agency, Actors, Comment Fic, Crack, Gen, Not OOC because crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-27
Updated: 2014-03-27
Packaged: 2018-01-17 06:18:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1376998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zoya1416/pseuds/Zoya1416
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mashup Crack--timeline is after Vor Game, supposing Gregor DID abdicate, Piotr is still alive, and Ivan is being considered for the big gig-er, camp stool.  When they're all in Hollywood.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Vorkosigan Agency LLP, Kingmaker to the Stars

Hey, thanks for stopping by. Want some coffee? Water? You want to get the story on the Vorkosigan LLP acting agency, right? Because we're a great, great agency, the premier agency today. 

Why are we so great? We've been kingmakers for over seventy years. Back in the day the agency represented Hedy when she was still Hedwig, ya know? What a name! Hedwig Eva Kiesler—we got that changed. Archibald Alexander Leach, you know him? Cary Grant. Actors today—Zach Galifianakis, I ask you. 

I've been here awhile. That me, Pete Vorkosigan, my son Al, and if he gets his head out of his butt, my grandson Miles.

I got the biggest gig in the world for EZ, ya know?—and he wasn't any prince to begin with, believe me. In fact, we used to know each other before he got big, very well—but as I say, I'm just a humble multimillion dollar acting agency who can make or break them.

You know how Hollywood works. It's the connections, and how you get packaged. And we package them great. So, about connections. EZ wanted us to market his son. He was a real slimeball. We even heard rumors—and you can't print this —in fact we heard that he'd cut up a couple of hookers.

EZ finally realized we had to get that boy out of town, and we did. My son Al and I did. Al's got some stones. Made some nasty headlines when he was younger, even ran around a bit with a very bad crowd. Everyone knows he had a drinking problem. That's no secret. He's cleaned up great, gotten married to a nice girl—nice girl! She's a firecracker! I'm slowing down but he's still working twelve hour days, can you believe it? He needs to get down to the lake house more.

But as I say, EZ's boy was very well connected, not only to his dad, but to people who'd worked with him, other agencies who'd rep'd him—a lot of folk in the industry. We had to get rid of him. We got it done, but not cheap. It was a bloodbath for awhile.

So now, NOW, EZ wanted us to take on his grandson—not a bad guy, but no screen appeal at all. EZ was still calling the shots—he wasn't our biggest client by then, but one of the oldest, and if we'd let him down... he'd control us beyond the grave if he had to.

Anyway, my son Al worked with the grandson for a long time. He practiced, that kid, I'll say he did, but couldn't cut it. Then he decides that all he wants to do is tragedies. Even marketing himself as Bleakman. I told him that Ingmar Bergman stuff was snakebite when it was made. We had to let him go. Sweet kid...I hear he's out in East Jesus Nebraska, teaching acting lessons. 

So I'm having to rethink that whole family. Not bringing me much in, and a bunch of primadonnas recently. Al and I are getting older, and I wanted to have someone to leave the business to, but crap, now my own grandson's busting my nut. He's a pistol, very smart guy, keen leadership qualities, great little actor. But he was born with CP, for awhile we were afraid he wouldn't walk, and he's tiny. Daniel Radcliffe would be a giant to him, and ya know Daniel's only 5'5.” I wish we'd ever had a chance to rep him.

Anyway, Miles won't carry the bucket. He's a maniac, I have to say so myself. For awhile now he's tried to take on the Zetas—you know, the drug cartel out of Nuevo Leon. They're sophisticated, technologically advanced, and so dangerous you wouldn't turn your back for a nanosecond. Miles's gotten a big army of supporters, but I think he's misguided to take on the Evil Empire.

Al and I took on the Zetas on, too, back when. They were on our own turf here. Murdering bastards. It took us forever to shut them down. But we don't have to go after them today, they're back in their own haciendas. For now. I think Miles is asking for trouble. I wish he'd come home to the family business, but—people either love him or hate him. He took on Bleakman for us—they were good friends—before Bleakman threw it all in the toilet.

It's starting to wear me down. EZ's dead now and they quit paying my bills a long time ago. I'm going to try one more time—there's a friend of Miles, one of our cousins actually, and Miles thinks he's great. I grant you he looks the part. Tall, dark, and handsome was written for him, ya know? Sexy beast, playing the field, but no scandals. Some comedy work, but I think he's got it. Good kid.

He's got a bit of cold feet, isn't quite sure what he's going to do with his life, and I tell myself this is the last one. If this Ivan doesn't work out, I'm going to stay up at the ranch and breed horses. Beautiful, beautiful animals. A lot easier than people to breed out the bad traits, too.


End file.
